We Are Not The Same

 Hello friends 💛

It's Monday morning and as I'm typing this the wind is blowing so hard outside, as a cold front moves through S.E. Texas. The highs will only be in the 50's today, but back to the 70's by Thursday. Such is life in the south. 

I'm warm and cozy, have already had one cup of coffee and thought I would sit down and share some news with you.

I quit my job at the library. I am no longer working outside the home. Praise the Lord.

I worked my last two days last week, just before Christmas and I'm so happy to say that I have officially reinstated my 32 year position as a stay-at-home wife, mom and grandmother. It's where I belong.

I have so many thoughts I want to share about this, so if you're interested you can stick around, but if not, that's ok too. I'll catch you on the next post.

Here goes...PART 1...

When I took the job last February, David had been out of a job for a few months and though God was truly providing for all of our needs, I just thought it might be time for me to find some way to make some money, so I called the library to see if they were hiring. What do you know...they were. I went on my first job interview in 31 years and was hired on the spot, in spite of the doubt of some that I could actually get a job after being at home for so long. And to them I say...don't underestimate my God. 

 For the first few weeks on the job, I grieved. I grieved the life I was giving up. I grieved not being at home, not being available for my kids and grandkids like I've always been, and for the changes that were taking place in my life. I cried for the first few weeks. It was hard. 

My schedule was different, which meant everything in my home and how I've run my home had to change. Meals were different, my ability to cook, the days I could shop, when I could see my babies, have family dinners, do the laundry...everything about my life had to change. And I hated it.

It took me a few months to feel ok about going to work and there were even days when I looked forward to being there. I enjoyed being around the books and learning new things. I made some good connections with some of the patrons and enjoyed them each week when they came in. But working with other women who had been there and very set in their ways was a little tougher. It was an adjustment, for sure. 

Though many thought it was the best fit for me if I was going to work outside the home, it was actually torturous at times. It is a small library and there was only so much work to do, which meant that many days I spent hours sitting or standing doing nothing. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am not ok with doing nothing. I was wasting valuable time, for little pay and I quickly began to dread going each day. 

We were not eating good food, because I was too exhausted to cook when I got home at 6:30 every night. All I wanted was to eat something quick and sit on the couch. I would go weeks without seeing my kids and on my days off I would feel so stressed trying to get everything done before going back to work. 

Now...let me stop here and say that I realize many who work and have always worked outside the home are playing their violins in a sarcastic manner at what I'm saying and that's ok. We are not the same. I will elaborate this point later.

So after many countless hours of feeling like there wasn't enough work to actually do at the library and being stifled when I would try to find things to do, I decided that it wasn't worth my time or all that I was sacrificing in my own life, so I gave my notice. My boss, who was always very caring and supportive (and she let me decorate, which was the highlight of my time there), was very gracious and understood my decision. My last day was December 23rd and I couldn't get out of there fast enough. I was officially done.

PART 2 - you can read on or come back later if you've grown tired of this post already 😅

I'm going to take a minute to address some things about all of this that have bothered me and it has to do with the outdated, unfounded, continual mindset that working outside the home is more valuable than working in the home. To this I say...you couldn't be more wrong. If this is still the mindset of society, then there is no hope for the ignorant. I'm just saying. And further more, I'm so over it. 

Let's just start with the comment that someone made to me when I first mentioned that I might look for a job outside the home. "Who's going to hire you?" Are you serious?

So, because I've spent over 30 years running a household (and very well, I might add), not to mention teaching two kids from K-12 twice, planning, buying and teaching curriculum for 12 years, buying and selling cars, houses, securing loans, working with insurance companies, mortgage companies, utility companies, churches, schools, scheduling, shopping, teaching two humans to drive (never again!), being a single parent while my husband worked out of town many times, planning vacations, work trips, hiring construction workers, contractors, pest control, plumbers, cable installers, paying bills, walking dogs, driving kids, etc. all while writing 5 books, reading my Bible, going to church, having set-scheduled days with my grands (even homeschooling two of them), and having a successful marriage for 37 years...I'm not qualified to get hired outside of the home? 

Then let's fast forward to our current time and me deciding that home is where I need to be...well, why? Why aren't you staying in the workforce? It's so much more valuable than being at home. It's hard, yes, so that must mean that you can't hack it. You are weak, you are giving up, surely you realize that this is life.

And again I say...we are not the same.

So, when I wanted a job, I had to convince people that I was worthy. And now that I want to return to my real job, where there is value and history and where I'm actually needed and do a darn good job at...I'm having to justify myself again. 

Ladies, never let someone tell you that work at home isn't worthy. That what happens outside the home is more valuable than what you do inside the home. That is a lie from hell, straight from the enemy. 

I've have poured my life into my home, my marriage, my kids and grandkids and for anyone to make me feel like I am a failure for going back to that, is nothing but arrogant and ignorant. 

I don't despise anyone for working outside the home. If that's what you want to do and where you get your value, then go for it. Do it with pride and joy and work at it for all it's worth. But don't dare try to tell me that my work isn't as valuable and worthy.

I'm not new to this kind of criticism. I homeschooled for 20 years, remember? I went against the tide, year after year, listening to society ask me when I was going to put those kids in "real school." Yeah? How's that working for you at this point? 

 Honestly I'm sick of having to justify my choices to a society that's in the rat race and failing miserably. People are sick, overworked, depressed, on meds, need therapy, divorced, and downright miserable, yet see what they do as more worthy than those who crave simplicity and quiet. Do you see the irony there?

I got my first job when I was 16 and worked for 12 years until a week before having my first child and yet, I've never been more fulfilled in my life, than the years I've spent serving my home and family. You will never convince me that I'm lacking, that I don't have skills or value or am not successful. 

And again I say...we are not the same. 

I know some women have to work for financial reasons, but I also know that some choose to work because they want more stuff. Some choose to work to feel valued or like they are contributing. Some work because they are bored or have an empty nest or whatever their reasons are. But some work because nothing at home is worth sacrificing for. 

You see, we all make choices and to be at home, I've always had to choose too. At times I had to choose being with my kids over being able to get my nails done or buy designer clothes. At times I've had to choose hamburger over steak, driving used cars over new and smaller houses over big ones that cost more than they're worth. I don't have fancy jewelry and I don't go overboard on Christmas gifts. But I would choose less, every time, because I'm doing what I feel called to do. 

We all make choices and some make sacrifices. 

So if your job is paying you and it's worth all the stuff, all the things you're giving up, all the stress, all the things you're missing, then great. 

My job is worth it too and I actually want to be there. 

Until Next Time...

Be kind. Quit competing. Quit thinking you're all that and a bag of chips. You're just making choices, that's all. And so am I.